Re: To women, young ladies, and girls

I should start off by saying that this blog is for me, my family, my friends, but mostly for me. It’s a running record of thoughts, of growth, and of copious amounts of adorable pictures of my girls. It’s a place where I can unleash the thoughts burbling around in my head, help me stay on track, give an illusion of organization amidst the chaos of our life. This blog is not meant to attract a group or person or persons or anyone for that matter. It’s meant for me.

Now don’t get me wrong, I like readers…it gives me an imaginary pat-on-the-back, ego-boost feeling that there are other people like me out there. It’s nice to build a small blogging community of people that you can share ideas with, learn from and teach, and all that stuff. It’s nice. But at the end of the day that doesn’t really matter.

And I guess I’m telling you all this because I got a WordPress notification the other day that someone had commented on one of my posts. Not a regular reader, just somebody who stumbled across a post from earlier this year, I’ve posted it as follows:

jack on February 11, 2013 at 12:39 am said:

Maybe women should care how a man feels about it.

It’s fine to have an all-female echo chamber about how sexual sin is not all that serious, but it is.

I’d rather die single (and I am sure I will) than marry a formerly promiscuous woman. Too many risks. It has nothing to do with forgiveness. It is just that I am not interested. I don’t need to marry that badly, I suppose.

And I don’t want to have to imagine my wife with a dozen previous lovers.

Not interested.

If you’re lost, he was commenting on a post that I entitled “To Women, Young Ladies, and Girls.” You can read it here. I suggest you do, it is good stuff. But to sum it up if you don’t want to take the time, it’s basically a gathering of pieces that question why a woman’s worth and even more importantly, her faith is measured so heavily, if not solely, on her virginity. So much emphasis and focus put on a woman’s abstinence from sexual activity, consensual or not (the “or not” part being another discussion in itself entirely and certainly not any less of one that needs to be explored) and not on the fact that she has been cleansed in Christ’s redeeming power and love. I posted it because I have two daughters, I am a woman, a wife, an ex-girlfriend, I have female friends, colleagues, nieces, cousins, aunts, sisters-in-law, sisters-in-Christ, and even more succinctly, because I am simply a member of humanity. This issue needs to be discussed. Needs to be challenged and brought into the twenty-first century.

And normally, I wouldn’t respond to a comment like that. Normally I would just delete “Jack’s” comment and be on with my day. But for whatever reason, I think it needs an answer. A rebuttal, if not to simply keep the conversation at the forefront so it doesn’t remain shoved in the back behind gay rights or abortion.

I’m not looking for a fight. I never am when I post such material. I’m looking for thoughts, well thought out, well versed and supported in a manner that would fly in a high school debate setting. I’m looking to grow. Myself. Personally. I want to grow and become a better player in humanity, in our world, to beautify all the ugly that we so often just shrug at with a “what can I do?” attitude. I’m tired of that. I’m no activist. Not really a leader, more of a jaded idealist who fully believes that if we all tried to make just one thing a little better real change could come about in a monumental fashion. Me? I’ll start by responding to this one comment.


 I don’t know how you stumbled across my little piece of the blogosphere. I can’t imagine what tags or categories you were browsing to wind up here. Were you looking for a cookie recipe? I have a lot.

I found your comment interesting in which you exemplified the reason behind my posting such an article. Not only did you only focus on you, as a man (I presume), but as a man who sees and values a woman’s worth as if they’re “marriageable.” No comment on a woman’s faith or spirituality, no comment on whether or not God has forgiven her and made her anew in His likeness, but a rather simple statement, a simple judgment that speaks volumes. A woman who has had a sexual experience (of any kind I’m assuming) would never be worthy of a man such as yourself.

Maybe that’s too sweeping. Maybe that statement is unfair. Let’s go back to your comment and break it down.

 Maybe women should care how a man feels about it.

I don’t think that any of the authors argued that women shouldn’t care about how men in their life feel about their sexual experiences but rather that women are judged by society in all avenues—beauty, weight, wealth, etc., and that we, as people, men and women with or without sexual experiences, should focus on how God sees us. That we should trust and believe that our worth is deeply and firmly rooted in his unending love for us and that through accepting his grace we are cleansed of the old, a life paid so many years ago to give sinners (men AND women) the ability “to taste and see that the Lord is good” (Psalm 34:8, NIV). Without that ultimate sacrifice of death on a cross, murderers, liars, adulterers, thieves, the lazy, the greedy, Pharisees, men and women old and young, would not be able to join in relationship with God. We all would be without grace. Without life.

Granted, it’s quite obvious I’m coming from a Christian background which is why those articles ring so true in relevance for me. If you are not, you’ll simply have to bear with me. Hopefully some of what I say will make sense even if you do not prescribe to the same faith system as me.

Simply put, men and women shouldn’t give a shit about what other people think. Rather they should focus their energy, their worth, and their soul on God’s truths. That “God created mankind in his own image, in the image of God he created them; male and female he created them” (Genesis 1:27) and that “God demonstrates his own love for us in this: While we were still sinners, Christ died for us” (Romans 5:8).

 It’s fine to have an all-female echo chamber about how sexual sin is not all that serious, but it is.

No one ever said that sexual sin is not serious. Sexual sin is indeed a sin. The Apostle Paul summed it up for us when he said, “When you heard about Christ and were taught in him in accordance with the truth that is Jesus. You were taught, with regard to your former way of life, to put off your old self, which is being corrupted by its deceitful desires; to be made new in the attitude of your minds; and to put on the new self, created to be like God in true righteousness and holiness” (Ephesians 4: 21-24). After accepting Christ’s grace and love, we choose a new life, we choose to try and strive for a godly life and godly virtues. But remember we “all have sinned, and fall short of the glory of God” (Romans 3:23) and not one of us will achieve a life of sinlessness. That’s not even a word it’s so unreal. (Read: unachievable, unattainable, impossible)

No one is encouraging young women and men to go and have sexual relationships as they please, but women are reacting to the double standard that is so firmly cemented across cultures that a woman’s value and worth is based solely on her virginity. A virginity that is trumped as the ultimate way for a woman to prove her faith. A virginity that doesn’t take into account the atrocities that are committed in the name of God, Satan, and man everyday. A woman’s virginity is what makes them godly, proves they love God. That kind of thinking, theology, practice within the church and amongst believers is deeply flawed, rooted in sexist, repressive beliefs that limit the amazing wonder and power of a God of everything. Put simply again, That.IS.wrong. Messed up. Dare I say, unbiblical?

I’d rather die single (and I am sure I will) than marry a formerly promiscuous woman. Too many risks. It has nothing to do with forgiveness. It is just that I am not interested. I don’t need to marry that badly, I suppose. 

Your comment suggests that all women who would identify with what these bloggers write have chosen to be sexually promiscuous. What about the women and girls who have been made to feel they are worthless and abused from trusted family members or friends? What about women and girls that have been violated by others they’ve never met? What about women who aren’t sexually promiscuous but stand in solidarity that this sweeping belief in the Christian circle focuses not on a woman’s worth as a person but as a commodity, a symbol, and forgets the soul of that person—forgets the sanctity of their life?

Too many risks, nothing to do with forgiveness, you’re just not interested…why are you making so many excuses for yourself? It’s your life, your choice how you live it. It’s how you live your life that tells the story of who you are. Are you willing to put yourself out there and take chances, accept grace and the possible condemnation of a world full of imperfect people, in order to reach a few more with the incredible, healing power of a no-strings-attached, forever-loving relationship with Christ? (It seems as though you are more content to judge them back into their closet of shame and unwilling to let him realize themselves fully as the women that God created them to be. Thank God for all of us sinners that you are not St. Peter’s boss. Because I think women who are brave enough to share these paths, the journeys that have brought them from wherever they started to the life that they currently live in Christ should be lauded. Not for their former sins, the sins that were cleansed and forgotten in grace by God, sins that apparently you are not man enough to overcome, but for their bravery to show their weaknesses. To ask for accountability and to edify the church community by strengthening it through wisdom and maturation, who grows by being stagnant and unchallenged?

Besides, no one is asking you to marry them.

They wouldn’t want to marry, nor should they, someone who didn’t believe that marriage is a union in which forgiveness and grace needs to reign in order to bloom. I don’t know everything about marriage but I’m fairly certain that without those two components there would be no love. So instead of staring down women’s perceived sexual impurity, perhaps you should take a peek at the haughtiness in your own heart lest you find yourself judged (Matthew 7:4, Luke 6:42, Psalm 101:5, Proverbs 18:12, Proverbs 21:4).

And I don’t want to have to imagine my wife with a dozen previous lovers.

Not interested.

I don’t want to imagine my husband with a dozen previous lovers either. I’m sure no woman or man would. There’s a reason that sexual relationships were created to exist within the safe confines of marriage, I’m not refuting that and neither are the women who wrote the aggrieved article. What they are refuting is that the church is telling women and girls that their worth, their spirituality is based on “their ability to remain pure,” which inadvertently discounts sexual violence and other such instances that occur within our broken, sinful world.

Sex is awesome. Sex is beautiful. If sex wasn’t so good, it wouldn’t be such an issue, but since it is, I think it’s important that men and women are able to have respectful dialogue concerning it and how our culture of sexualization has overtaken the mainstream and also how we treat our fellow brothers and sisters within the church concerning it as we perpetuate it (purposeful or not).

Do yourself a favor (and women) and listen to Apostle Paul since you seem to be above the fray when it comes to all of us sex crazed women, “I wish that all of you were as I am. But each of you has your own gift from God; one has this gift, another has that. Now to the unmarried and the widows I say: It is good for them to stay unmarried, as I do” (1 Corinthians 7:7-8).



Freaking proud wife, mother, sister, daughter, cousin, sister-in-law, friend, feminist, Christian, jaded ideologist, teacher, mentor, baker, artist, reader, sinner redeemed in an all-powerful, all-knowing, all-being grace of God, and unashamed sexual being 


I’m thankful for…

Day 14: I am thankful for fresh produce. We are so incredibly blessed to have access and the means to eat fresh produce everyday. My daughters love bananas to pomegranates to tomatoes to pineapple to mangoes and the like. They will chop away on spinach salads, corn, caramelized onions, avocados, broccoli, and kale. Dylan and I love to have fresh berries with our yogurt and pears, scallions, and cucumbers. The list is truly endless and I am so, so, SO thankful that we have been blessed to eat healthy and well.

Day 15: I am thankful for other crafty, foodie, stylish, bookish mom-bloggers who are willing to share their gifts with others and unafraid to show their imperfections. Sometimes being a mom can be lonely. There may be millions of us but for whatever reason when it comes to making mom friends it instantly can transport you to another place and time where awkwardness seeped through your being. And with our world being so global now, it’s nice to peek into other moms’ lives and know that they let the laundry go, they have tantrums now and then, and get behind schedule. Life isn’t picture perfect and I appreciate and am thankful for other mom bloggers out there who simply are trying and doing their best. I’m grateful to them for their willingness to show all the messiness of life and still are able to find the beauty. It’s refreshing, and encouraging to me.

Day 16: I’m thankful for my co-workers. I know that I was thankful earlier for my job, but really, I think that they deserve more distinction. They truly are a group of people that are working to make the world a better place, even our cold, ice-bitten piece of home in North Dakota. I’m continually inspired and encouraged, challenged and supported by my peers. It makes my day interesting and so much richer.

A couple of my co-workers and I at World Refugee Day 2012.

Day 17: I’m thankful for humor. My daughters crack me up. My husband cracks me up. In fact, I think that’s a main tenant of my good relationships, humor. My family’s wit continually reminds me to not be so serious and to embrace the mishaps as graciously as I can.

Day 18: I’m thankful for movies and Netflix. As annoyed as I get by my children constantly wanting to watch something, I am grateful that they are available for sick days such as these. Charlie Brown and Dora have enabled me to finish the laundry, dishes, organize the bedroom closets, make lunch and freeze extra breakfast burritos for this week, and now, now during glorrrrrrrrrrious nap time, those very same movies have allowed me to read through the Sunday paper and catch up with the blogosphere. I am thankful for movies.

I’m thankful for…

Day 9: I’m thankful for my job. I love my job. Seriously. It’s such a blessing to wake up every morning and be excited to go to work with other people who really care about what they do and want to make a difference. I’m so blessed to be apart of a team, of an organization, that believes all people are created in God’s image and thus deserve to be treated with respect. I could go on and on (seriously) about my job and how it makes not being home with my girls bearable doable.

Day 10: I’m thankful for Moses. My annoying, smelly, snorting, farting, almost-5-year-old pug. As aggravated and enraged that he makes me (he is now a 3x pound convict), I can’t imagine how less snuggly my life would be.

Day 11: I’m thankful for my parents, who will drive to my house and entertain my girls and install a beautiful new sink in my kitchen for a day and think nothing of it. I’m continually reminded and inspired by their willingness to give and I’m thankful that I have been given such an example to pass onto my daughters.

Day 12: (Hey, might as well get a jump start on the week while I’m on a roll.) I’m thankful for all the men and women who have served our country throughout the years. Thank you for your willingness to serve and for all the sacrifices that you made. I cherish the freedoms that you have pledged to protect and uphold for me.

Weekend in Fergus

Just a couple of iPhone videos of the weekend trip that the girls and I took to hang out with my Dad–Mom does make an appearance later on in the weekend (she was in Minneapolis speaking for work).

I’ll post some pictures tomorrow, unfortunately I forgot to bring the camera and only have cell pictures but they’ll have to suffice. 🙂

Bluewater: Day 3

Saturday brought Daddy, Grandma Sheila, Grandpa Terry and Uncle Caleb to Bluewater. Here are double Grandmas watching some girls build a sand castle. 
Ada made a new friend Ami this summer. They were a month difference in age and quite the pair. Where Ada is loud and gregarious, Ami certainly is quiet and shy. But by the end of the weekend were sad to say goodbye. 
Dylan, Grandpa Terry and Uncle Caleb took the boat out to go swim during “non swimming” hours. 
Double Grandpas with Nellie. Notice Dad’s eyes…no…he didn’t get into a fight with Mom. Barefooting bested him this go around…maybe he needs to take some pointers from Banana George?? ;D
OH Grandpa.
Ada could not get enough of the retaining wall. She loved to walk/balance on it. So naturally Lael did too.
Cousin hugs!

Walking again on the wall…

Lucy thought it looked pretty awesome too and decided to give it a try…

Er, well, she did try.
The following photos may promote cannibalism. As in, “You are so cute, I could eat you with a spoon!”

There are two chapel times each day at Bluewater during family camp. The kids are excused after the music to Kids Church in which they play games, listen to stories, etc. Here are some photos taken after adult chapel was dismissed.

A little bit of free time…

Such a tired baby. But she was so SO good. 🙂

Ada and Lael went tubing!! This was Lael’s first time and Ada was more than excited to go too.

Lucy kept loosing her sandal this weekend.

Reading stories was a huge part of Bluewater this year…dressed as a princess, naturally.

Listening to music with Uncle Caleb.

Waiting in line for supper on Saturday night.

Two princess cousins. 
What’s going on up there? 
Are we ready to eat yet???
Princess Grandpa.
Princess Grandpa Pete and Princess Ada. 
Eating the raindrops and making friends in line.

Anddddd still waiting.

But don’t worry. We did get to eat. 

"Forgotten Mothers" by Jenna Skalicky

“Forgotten Mothers” 
This Sunday is Mother’s Day. I have sent my cards and expressed my deep love and thanks to those mothers closest to me. 
I will wake up on Sunday and may or may not be able to make the daunting trip into church where I will not be able to pretend that I fit in. 
I will cry on the way home, if I go. I will cry while I make lunch. I will cry when I watch TV and I will cry when I make the drive to get my comfort coffee. I will put on my rainbow stripe socks, drink tea, and eat ice cream…and I will cry.
I will cry for myself as I have prayed and tried and waited and begged and screamed to be a mother. I will cry for myself for on this day, more than on any other day in the year, I feel completely alone. I  will cry because there are no cards, no flowers, no standing ovations, few hugs, and few phone calls for me and women like me.  I will cry.
I will cry for the other women, and men, who feel isolated today, who may avoid church because at times — believe it or not — the church is insensitive. I will cry for those who have shed more tears than we could know yet do not receive a simple kind word of “I’m thinking of you today” but possibly a comment such as “when are you going to start thinking about kids?” or “don’t you want to get flowers on Mother’s Day?” I will cry for the couples and women who will sit alone today, toughing it out. I will cry as I pray for these couples who cry alone.
I will cry for myself, my husband, and the others not only on this day but also Father’s Day, Christmas, baby showers, family reunions, and child dedications.
I do not wish to take anything away from mothers today. I do not wish to diminish the importance of this day and the wonderful and amazing mothers that are celebrated today. I celebrate these mothers today and everyday. I celebrate my mother and my mother friends who are changing the world with every load of laundry, diaper changed, wiped nose, puke bucket held, Bible story told, water fight battled, bedtime kiss, prayer on bended knee, time-out, and meal cooked. 
I also celebrate the women who have taken in children who are not their own as their very own and have changed lives and the world with their selflessness and love. Many of these women have made their own daunting walk into church as an unmother on Mother’s day. My own mother has inspired me.
I only wish to urge you to remember the mothers-in-waiting on this special day. These are the women who have waited, longed, hoped, dreamed, despaired, and cried with white-knuckled fists raised to the sky. These are the forgotten women. These women have tried and been, as of yet, defeated. Let us all together break the silence of this struggle.
Let’s also remember the mothers who have lost their children. Children gone before they have been fully formed. Children lost before the news of their new life has even been shared and celebrated with friends and family. Children who had not yet taken their first breath. Children taken before their life has been lived, before they could grow old. Children unplanned, waited for, loved, cherished, and missed terribly. Being a mother is not dependent upon the presence of children sitting nearby. Let’s remember those who have had to bear the pain of burying their own dear children from war, tragedy, accident, disease, reasons unknown.
There is a sad trend of overlooking or shying away from issues of miscarriages in the church. Please don’t ignore these women or avoid the heaviness of this tragic situation. It is hard and it is uncomfortable. Not ministering to these women, even in small ways, has a way of communicating that this situation is too much for the church, too much for you, too much for God. This was a real life. This was a real death. This is a real mother. It takes an incredible woman to endure knowing her child exists yet having to wait until heaven to kiss, hold, rock, and sing to him or her.

I have often contemplated rising to my feet when the call for all the mothers in church to stand is made. Why do I feel that I would be breaking some kind of unspoken rule to not stand because I have not held my child? Why do I feel that this would be unacceptable in the church? Why do I feel that no on would understand n the church community? Let’s take a stand…and stand.
Let’s remember those special mothers who have held their babies and loved enough to let go. Those mothers who have loved so much and given their babies better lives, better opportunites by being selfless and letting go. Those who have given women waiting for children the blessng of motherhood. Those who have chosen adoption for their precious babies, for whatever reason. These women are mothers too and have been amazng selfless mothers.

Also, remember the single mother who does not have a partner to give her a break, to buy her flowers, to take her to dinner, to celebrate everything that she does for her children. No matter the reason for her singleness, she needs to be valued as well.

These women, those waiting and those who have lost and those who have waited and still lost, need your support. These women need your love. These women need to be recognized, loved, and validated as the amazing mothers and mothers-of-the-future they are. These women value life very highly because they truly know how fragile, intricate, and precious life is. These women need to know that they are not forgotten. This is especially true in the church community.
These women need a smile, a hug, a flower, a card, a balloon, a kind face. Silence with a smile can be more powerful than the most well-meaning words. A nod and a hug followed by a short “I love you and I’m thinking of you” will be more than enough to completely change the life of this one woman who might feel that no one understands and she is all alone.
I have been blessed to have amazing women and a truly incredible husband in my life who have done just this. These small moments of remembrance and understanding have made the darkest moments of sorrow and grief lighter in weight and intensity.
Mother’s Day is for mothers. If you are a mother I truly hope you have an amazing day — that you are loved, thanked, prayed for, doted upon, spoiled, and given opportunity to rest. If you are not a mother I hope that you take the opportunity to thank your own mother and love on mothers around you. But please do not forget that there are mothers this Mother’s Day who will never have the opportunity to hold their children this side of heaven, who have had their children for far too little time, and women who long desperately to be mothers.
If you are pregnant this Mother’s Day I am celebrating this new lfe wth you today! I truly hope that this pregnancy is smoothe and pray that you and your baby are healthy. I rejoice with heaven in this new person and the incredible things that needed to happen, the miracle that God did to make this life.
If you are dealing with infertility or mourning a loss of a child, or both, I pray that you would be met this Mother’s Day with understanding, love, and kindness. I pray for you and cry with you, scream at the heavens with you, shake my fist with you, mourn with you, and ask “why?” with you today, and everyday. know this: you are not alone.

Mother’s Day is about mothers. But we can also use this day as an opportunity to minister to women who are hurting quietly, grieving silently, and waiting alone. 
Five Things NOT to say to a friend who is dealing with infertility (from an article I found in Home Lifemagazine called “Unwelcome companions” by Marlo Schalesky):
  1. You’re lucky you don’t have kids.  — if they want to have kids not part of this struggle is lucky or fun. This also diminishes or invalidates their hurt.
  2. Just relax. — advice giving only comforts the one giving the advice. the one suffering feels that their hurt has been missed and quieted. There is no 100% guaranteed sure-fire way of getting pregnant and each person’s body reacts differently to everything. Those dealing with infertility know that there is more to the struggle that just relaxing.
  3. You should just adopt. — adoption has absolutely nothing to do with infertility. people can adopt if they have children of their own. many people who do not have children decide not to adopt. an adopted child is a gift of its own it is not a replacement for a biological child. Adoption is not the defualt treatment for infertility and should not be assumed as such.
  4. God will give you a child. — we cannot pretend to know what God’s plans are. we are not God and we have control over virtually nothing.
  5. Maybe God knows you wouldn’t make a good mother. –this is plain horrible, awful!! My God does not work that way and can make amazing mothers out of all of us. i have actually heard this said to me and it breaks my heart. DO NOT SAY THIS…EVER!
“God has a plan” can be one of the most hurtful statements. yes it is true, God does have a plan and God is in control but when someone is dealing with issues such as infertility this part of God’s plan sucks. it just plain sucks. we dont tell someone with cancer to be happy about God’s plan, why would we tell someone who also is suffering with inertility? maybe because she is still relatively healthy so on the outside life looks good.
this struggle involves more than getting a baby. therer are questions about God’s control, his power, his love. There are questions of value, worth, identity, meaning, and purpose in life. many times this questioning will never go away, even if a child is added to the family.
Five Things NOT to say to a friend who has had a miscarriage (also found in the same article):
  1. You’ll have another child. — we cannot know what will happen.  another child will not replace this lost child or make the loss less painful.
  2. It’s good you didn’t lose the baby later. — a life is a life whether it is two hours from concpetion or ninety years old. death is always sad. the size of the person does not change this.
  3. There was probably something wrong with the baby anyway. — we cannot pretend we know why things like this happen.
  4. It was only a fetus. — it was not only a fetus. it was a baby. and it is lost.
  5. At least… — nothing good can come after this statement. do not even go there.
Please be mindful of how you begin conversations. Asking about children can be a sad topic for couples and women. This may lead to this couple or woman to feel that they do not fit in your community. Questions like “how many children do you have?,” “when are you starting a family?,” or “what are your kids’ names?” can make couples uncomfortable — like they automatically do not fit in the group.

Also remember that a family can consist of two people. validating this little family is extremely important!
Please do not assume of couples who have been married for a few years or those women who do not have children, that they do not want children. Many of these couples may seem uncomfortable around children. most often it is because they do not want to get attached or interact too much for this may intensify their sadness later. They may be fighting tears even as they play peek-a-boo.

Thank you for reading. Even though this weekend is tough for me, my amazing husband always makes sure that we have some fun. Can you imagine how empty the movie theater is on Mother’s Day? It’s great.

Day Eleven: A Deceased Person You Wish You Could Talk To

I’m not sure how to go about this question.

I haven’t lost many people in my life that I knew well…in fact, with my Grandma Sue’s declining health, she may be the first. In that regards, I am quite blessed. 
My reservation stems from the unknown, meaning, I think I’d like to talk to my birthparents. Are they dead? I don’t know. But in my life they are nonexistent, so does that count as being dead? 
It’s hard to know what you’re missing when you’ve never had it. You can see it from a distance as an outsider but you’re never really going to know. Don’t misunderstand me, I have parents, a great set of parents that I am blessed to call Mom and Dad. But there’s still the open question, the “primal wound” (as psychologists like to call it) that most adoptees experience on a daily basis. For myself, it’s like a roller coaster. Some days it doesn’t seem to be that much of a factor in my life (such as enjoying time together as a family during the holidays) and other days it’s everything (like when I’m singing Ada to sleep at night or rocking Nellie and wondering what their future holds). 
But then again, I wonder, would I want to talk to them? I don’t necessarily think their reasons for choosing adoption were selfless. Was my birth father even apart of the decision? Did my birth mother see it as her chance to start a clean, new life by “erasing” the past? Does she want to remember me or does she try and avoid thinking about that day/night in February of 1986? Maybe it was a selfless act and she agonized over it for days and days up to and after my birth. Maybe she fantasizes about meeting me and my family someday…who knows. And if she did, would I want to meet her? 
Yes, I know I said that I would like to meet them… but sometimes I wonder…would it make anything clearer? Would I have more closure than  I do now?