When there are NO Words

I feel the need to write today.

There are too many thoughts in my head and they need to get out.

I find that writing is cathartic, when it’s unplanned, when it’s most needed.

And today…well today is certainly one of those days.

I’ve been avoiding news sources like the black plague. So much pain, so much hurt, so much injustice these days that this poor Mama’s heart just breaks and re-breaks every time I scan the latest news header. Tornados, rock slides, car accidents…all of it unbearable to me and I feel a wash of pain and grief come over me in solidarity for the people and families who have been affected irrevocably.

In an instant.

A.mere.instant.

And so I hug my children a little bit tighter, selfishly and thankfully, tearfully acknowledging that I have no control over anything other than how I live now.

As a talker, I know that words are the first thing that I want to offer to people, hurting or not. However, all too often I hear things like “Be strong” tossed around to the hurting or “God’s plan…” or “Don’t forget about how blessed you still are…” immediately during these trying times, as if a verbal-one-for-all-bandaid could do any good…if there was even such a thing. (And you know me, I love a good cliché.)

To those people I would say, SHUT UP.

I have no time for you, the hurting have no time for you, and there simply is NO TIME for you.

There is a time and place for everything. God is everywhere always, I truly believe that, and I truly believe that God gave us a wide range of emotions to express our lives to one another, our souls. When grief, when sadness, when despair are so very, very fresh (and even lingering) these are not the words that those of us on our grieving journeys need to hear.

What we need are our communities to come alongside us and to hold us up in love. To comfort…to hold… to deliver the standard Midwestern hotdish or pan of bars. More often than not, the last thing that we need are words. Because really, how can you explain away lives taken too soon? Evils and accidents, natural disasters with consequences that rend God’s heart? What words can you give that would comfort a parent left to live their days without the joys and pains of their child?

If anything, perhaps, we should hug our children and our spouses, our family and friends a bit tighter, and revel in the blessings that permeate our lives; and in doing so as a community, honor those who grieve by extending our ears to listen and shoulders to help bear the burden.

Bluewater 2011’s End



Bluewater: Day 3

Saturday brought Daddy, Grandma Sheila, Grandpa Terry and Uncle Caleb to Bluewater. Here are double Grandmas watching some girls build a sand castle. 
Ada made a new friend Ami this summer. They were a month difference in age and quite the pair. Where Ada is loud and gregarious, Ami certainly is quiet and shy. But by the end of the weekend were sad to say goodbye. 
Dylan, Grandpa Terry and Uncle Caleb took the boat out to go swim during “non swimming” hours. 
Double Grandpas with Nellie. Notice Dad’s eyes…no…he didn’t get into a fight with Mom. Barefooting bested him this go around…maybe he needs to take some pointers from Banana George?? ;D
OH Grandpa.
REALLY?
Ada could not get enough of the retaining wall. She loved to walk/balance on it. So naturally Lael did too.
Cousin hugs!

Walking again on the wall…

Lucy thought it looked pretty awesome too and decided to give it a try…

Er, well, she did try.
The following photos may promote cannibalism. As in, “You are so cute, I could eat you with a spoon!”

There are two chapel times each day at Bluewater during family camp. The kids are excused after the music to Kids Church in which they play games, listen to stories, etc. Here are some photos taken after adult chapel was dismissed.

A little bit of free time…

Such a tired baby. But she was so SO good. 🙂

Ada and Lael went tubing!! This was Lael’s first time and Ada was more than excited to go too.

Lucy kept loosing her sandal this weekend.

Reading stories was a huge part of Bluewater this year…dressed as a princess, naturally.

Listening to music with Uncle Caleb.

Waiting in line for supper on Saturday night.

Two princess cousins. 
What’s going on up there? 
Are we ready to eat yet???
Princess Grandpa.
Princess Grandpa Pete and Princess Ada. 
Eating the raindrops and making friends in line.

Anddddd still waiting.

But don’t worry. We did get to eat. 

Day Four: Siblings

Today’s topic is Siblings.

I have one.
Brock.
I have two if you count the child my parents’ miscarried prior to me.
I have three more.
Terrah. Logan. Caleb.
I don’t know how many siblings I have.
I was adopted when I was three months old.
That’s a lot of people to mold and shape you throughout your life–for good and bad.
I remember reading the “Birth Order” book when I was in high school–I probably was trying to self-diagnose my teenage self. And I remember taking offense to the “bossy, perfectionist” that was described–funny how it’s the things that ring truest that are the hardest to hear sometimes.
The first born box is certainly true of Ada, so far anyway. We’ll see how Nellie impacts her and her personality. It’s been such an experience watching her grow into her own little self, the laid-back, sleep-all-the-time baby now is a go-getter, still go-with-the-flow for the most part, with a will stronger than an ox and more stubborn than an ass. (I don’t know where she would’ve gotten that from?) I’m excited to see where she will walk in life and what adventures she and Nellie are sure to share.

Fourth of July Weekend

Fourth of July weekend is almost here!

Dylan, Ada, Terry, Caleb, Caleb’s friend and I are all taking off tomorrow for my parents’ place in Fergus. It’s gonna be a great, family-fueled weekend on the lake! I don’t know about the rest of you, but I am ready to spend some time outside, relaxing and enjoying the summer. Somehow Summer started and forgot to tell me…I can’t believe it’s already July!! I guess that’s what happens when you “grow up” and get a “big kid job.”

Maybe I should rethink this growing up thing…

But maybe not. Because I am excited about our little Nellie So coming to join us! I know it’s a bit of a wait still, but that halfway mark is creeping up on us much faster than I expected. 🙂 And everytime that Dylan or I buy or change something in the house to ready for her, I am reminded that it’ll be sooner rather than later that she’ll finally be here in our arms.

Speaking of, Dylan bought Ada a “new” bed today at our alley neighbor’s garage sale. It’s a Lightening McQueen bed and I guess she’s quite taken with it. No news yet as to whether her first nap was successful in it or not. Hopefully she’ll take to it so that we can get her first big girl bed turned back into a crib for Miss Nellie. And if you’re wondering…we’re planning on putting the girls together in a room. I think we’ll probably wait and see what kind of sleeper this new little girl will be before throwing them together, but as soon as she’s sleeping through the night reliably, they’ll be room-sharing siblings.

In preparation for this I’ve already cleaned out most of the toys and books in Ada’s room and put them downstairs in the new playroom. We only keep her library books upstairs, a small toy chest of toys and a few stuffed animals that made it past the thrift store expunging day. Luckily she loves the new playroom and generally asks to go down there immediately after waking up, even before eating–and we all know that girl LOVES to eat.

Pictures will be coming soon. Some of the rearranged girls’ room, some of here and there and definitely some of the family weekend. I’ll be toting the new laptop and camera to Fergus will us so that I can keep up with all the excitement.

Have a safe and fun fourth of July friends!!