Pondering an anniversary

2 Loves

2 Loves…how I miss those chubby chins.

My Facebook feed was blown up yesterday due to a 40th anniversary. I read an article from Eugene Cho: To whom it may concern: Imagine the possibilities. Imagine the life that could be lived out. because of it. I’ve read many articles about it, on it, the whys and why nots for and against it. And I have to be honest with you.

I’m a fence rider.

Not because I don’t believe in the sanctity of life. Not because I don’t believe women shouldn’t have a right to determine what happens to their bodies. Not because I don’t believe that God intended humanity to be filled with beauty and life. Not because I believe that church and state are mostly and should be separated.

Not because I am sinful…or maybe because I am.

But truthfully, where is the argument or at least the point, when at the end of the day both sides are hurting? Woman, baby, families, broken in two by the loss of love? The loss of compassion? The loss of grace?

I’ve been reading a book that my sister-in-law gave me for Christmas, Ann Voskamp’s One Thousand Gifts: A Dare to Live Fully Right Where You Are. It’s focus on grace, on thanksgiving…I think is a genius answer to the hatred and pain that is felt throughout this argument. It’s exploration of the basis of sin and evil in the world being rooted in our ungrateful hearts, in a lack of thanksgiving. Through these reflections on faith and practice she connects the pieces together a little bit more for me on my own beliefs. Grace. What is grace?

I’m not looking for a debate or a fight or really anything, mostly I’m just shifting through my thoughts. I realize this won’t make sense to some and maybe will to others. As a mother, as a daughter, as an adoptee who doesn’t know her birth parents, as a child of God, and more simply as a player in humanity…I don’t dare to profess I have all the answers. I long for the goodness, the gratefulness that we once had as perfectly created and perfectly seeing, and in that longing I attempt to make a life and a belief that emulates what could have been. What is if we humble ourselves to embrace grace.

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4 thoughts on “Pondering an anniversary

  1. I just wish they told those girls and women that their unborn baby would very likely haunt them for life. Everyone I know who’s had an abortion had to come to terms with it later on. Those at the clinics make it sound so easy. Do the procedure and walk away. But eventually that unborn little will catch up to them. If they only knew, it could save them years of torment and pain.

    Also, text me when you get this. I’m having trouble finding a way to comment on blogs from my phone. Thru never show up.

  2. Aren’t all people, when touched by death, forced to come to terms at some point in their life? Whether they were the cause or simply an acquaintance? I’ve never had a planned abortion but a miscarriage is labeled a “spontaneous abortion.” I have no idea what caused it…could it have been a genetic fluke or was I more responsible because I was still taking birth control or because I ate a deli turkey sandwich? If people were allowed to fully legislate against abortion, would I be grouped into the punished? Whether or not I meant it, what if someone continues taking birth control and eating deli sandwiches and they know they are pregnant? How would they differentiate between us? By our grief in the moment afterword or in the flow and ebb of it in the years to come? Won’t the death or the loss of life be permanent for me as for a woman who aborts knowingly?

    I guess my problem lies more within the church (yes, that’s my over-privileged, hippie Christian side coming out) and its starch stance that abortion is wrong, wrong, WRONG, and yet they do very little other than trying to legislate against it. Somehow the church, our church, our fellow brothers and sisters, forget about the people involved, about the lives, and the grey, all that grey involved, in favor of just “being right.” I think my conscience and my heart would be more at ease standing closer to the church if it’s first response was love and grace followed by righteous anger and compassionate action. All too often I feel like both sides are simply fueled by anger and a toddler’s concept of the world–“it’s mine, all mine, and everyone and everything should revolve around me and my desires.”

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